An article about abuse

There are individuals out there in the world that say they love and care. Most do and lead “normal” and happy lives. But there are individuals out there that appear to blend into the world. These individuals cause havoc for their friends, families, and the world at large. These individuals are “abusers.” They can be friends, family, loved ones, and still be abusers. The abuser will say that their actions are motivated out of love. Or the abuser will say that something set them off. Or even worse, the abuser will blame those who they abuse, for nor doing what they asked.

 

     Sometimes abuse moves from one generation to another. Those who witnessed abuse can be unwittingly or willfully inaugurated into the cycle. The abuser almost breeds the new generation, who have close contact. These individuals seek love where they can, and in doing so, are taught how to abuse. Because they do not know better, they move through life using the tools of abuse. These include manipulation, talking over those who are the abused, using language against the abused. Using the abused individuals life against the abused. These individuals will even use love as a weapon. They believe they are justified to do so; through family position, or marital or relationship status.

 

      Those who have been abused survive lives of quiet desperation. Each abuse survivor attempts to blend into the world. These individuals may even appear to be happy, on the outside. Inside the abused passes on a little bit every day. They have been called crazy, worthless, mentally challenged, and worse. The abused also survives interrogations from time to time by the abused. Everyday these individuals deserve Oscar Awards © for best actor in a reality series. But suffer in silence they do. Sometimes the survivor even believes that they deserve it, but this statement is utter hogwash.

 

     The types of abuse that the abusers use are as varied as a craftsman © toolkit. Some survive verbal and mental abuse. This type of abuse leaves no outer scars or marks. It is harder to find, and less understood by the general public. Physical abuse leaves marks and signs. It shows in the large sunglasses and make up jobs that survivors use to cover up. Those who wear long sleeve shirts on the hottest of days, seek to cover those marks; so they do not have to explain to anyone what happened. There are types of abuse that go well beyond this small missive.    

 

     Friends, and family may even recognize the abuse. Their reactions range from no help to full court press assistance. Some survivors are not believed and exiled from families and friends, when they need them most. There exists help out there, but that help is uneven at best. Some mental health and physical health providers assist their clients with all that they can. Other providers are overwhelmed in their pursuit of helping all that need it.

 

    There are a number of very smart women in my life. My mom was and is tough as nails. She taught me many important lessons. I live my life in what I do. I teach women and men how to protect their own persons. But I cannot accomplish this task alone. My significant other Michelle has taught me many lessons as well. She taught me to stand my ground, when I need to do so. She reminds me every day of the good within me. Her love for me carries me through the tough times; as I hope my love for her does for her. A woman I met through work at a mind, body, and spirit center helps me refashion tools that I have, so that I may help more individuals.

 

     What is my mission in life? To help all I can be the best that they can be. I know that sounds like a slogan, but it is my life. I work very hard every day to do so, at great personal expense and trouble to help. I think it was Jigoro Kano who stated, “We cannot only learn from our own life experiences, we must learn from others.” That quote I found in Chris Crudelli’s book, “The Way of The Warrior.” We who help are warriors. We teach our students how to preserve a modicum of peace in their own lives; even though we face troubles, uncertainty, and many stresses.

 

    For those out there who have been abused, or are being abused, find someone who can help. Listen to your own heart. You may have to do the work on your own. But there is always someone out there who will listen.

Within the next few weeks, I will have more posts. Most of the posts that have currently been posted will be re-tooled. As an instructor, I continue to process material better. As a student, I continue to learn. One must understand that there are phenomena out there that we do not understand. But there are individuals out there that attempt to pull the wool over peoples' eyes. First, learn to trust your gut. Second, develop your own perception. Third, practice and be persistent. Fourth, never be afraid to learn more. Fifth, the technique must work for you.

Hello Everyone,
For those of you wondering where are the new posts; I am currently writing lectures for my martial arts classes and will return to the blog as soon as possible.

Conditioning

Hello Again everyone,
Conditioning refers to more than just body conditioning. It refers to training or rebuilding the body, mind, emotional response, mental response, awareness, and technique. Training by its very nature conditions the body. Specific muscle groups, tendons, ligaments and supporting structures work. Training and guided practice align physical and mental energy in the same direction. While it may not allow one to look like Charles Atlas, it allows on to operate effectively.

One must take care in conditioning the body, as to not lose flexibility, speed and maneuverability. Work out, lift weights, and train the body for power and speed. The exercises for speed vary from those that build power. Speed exercises focus on allowing the muscles to move with less resistance and can be target focused. Power exercises build build muscle in the same ways as do the typical weight training exercises.

Running, walking, cycling, cross country running, hiking, et cetera condition the body and its ability to endure hardship. Cardiovascular conditioning gives one the oxygen for more involved muscle movement. If one obtains more oxygen and conditions the body to move under stress; then such activities benefit the martial artist.

Mental conditioning allows for better handling of difficult conditions. Most individuals wonder; what would I do, if faced with a difficult situation. With proper instruction, many people develop a resistance to stressful situations. Some individuals ask, what happens if I freeze up. Training in action and reaction to an event, within a controlled environment allows one the ability to respond. Mental conditioning builds up resilience, This is not to say that life drops problems within one's lap, but one must learn to solve the problem or change their perspective. (Wayne Dyer, Wisdom of the Ages PBS Presentation)

Emotional responses may help or hurt, depending on whether they assist in finding a solution to the problem or not. Emotions represent real processes going on within the body. Even though some individuals interpret emotions as imagined or just manufactured within a person's psyche. Just as mountain climbing requires tools, so does overcoming and working with emotions. In a conflict a person may feel scared, angry, frustrated, apprehensive, or a combination of these feelings. But training in ways that allow the stress to be ratcheted up. This process must be tightly controlled, or it may lead to training difficulties.

Mental responses vary from what does one do next or panic. Make a plan and train that plan. Decide what one must do and do it. Think and act, not think then act. One builds a picture and views that picture through the mind. Think of a mind as a browser. It coordinates different information such as visual, auditory, olfactory, pressure, temperature, taste, and intuition. This information gets processed, some information gets kept and some information does not get kept. Discernment develops through attention and thought. But like great paintings, the artist may not think about the exact step by step of the painting. The technique happens when it needs to through training.

In conclusion, practitioners must condition their minds and bodies to defend one's self. Each person responds differently to a given situation. Physical and mental work hand in hand. One can never fully prepare for a first attack adequately, but preparation provides tools and allows individuals to survive.

Self Defense

Self Defense
If awareness of a situation passes one by so that avoidance and evasion are no longer options; one must act to survive. How does one defend against an attack? A number of different possibilities enter the picture. Choices made before the attack now come into play. One main choice involves training. For now examine physical unarmed engagement of the opponent. That action can be separated into four parts, or as Grandmaster Villari states, four ways of fighting. Striking, kicking, trapping or grappling, and felling represent the choices now available. (Grand Master Fred Villari)

Striking involves the use of body parts above the waist, while kicks involve using body parts below the waist. It represents an easy way to divide up response types, while not getting into a semantic thought circle. Holding, seizing, and locking define trapping. The same moves also define grappling. Location provides the distinction; one stands while trapping, and remains prone or semi-prone while grappling.

The most suitable of the four, for the beginner, are striking and kicking. These do not require any excess training to improve. These techniques also build fundamental skills that allow a person to learn advanced techniques. Hit the opponent hard and hit them where that strike affects the opponent most. When someone attacks a person, the attacker does not want to make nice with the defender. The attacker wants something; this could be money, jewelry, etc. If the attacker wants power, control, revenge, or to victimize the defender; the situation now changes.

One may not have the time or inclination to delve within the opponent’s psyche, childhood, or adolescence. The defender’s job requires the defender to use all means necessary to make the attacker stop. Do not “wing it,” please train in an art that provides one with the ability to affect the attack. One’s main goal remains survival. If survival means talking to an attacker and living, then do so. If survival means restraining an opponent with techniques designed to do so, then do so. If survival means an all out concerted effort that takes the opponent and injures the attacker or even worse, then do what you must to survive. As with all things, there are consequences to one’s actions. Those consequences vary by country, state, locality, circumstance, and training. But for right now lets focus on the attack and its immediate response.

The immediate response remains to act; not to be cunning or to have some response that equates do a then b with c. Self defense demands solid technique and practice, but that practice allows the practitioner to be their best. This statement comes from one of my teachers Ruth, “Don’t think, do. Don’t do, be.” This post will be the first and not the last concerning this subject.

Evasion

Self Defense and Evasion
To evade, escape, get away or run all become viable options, when an opponent makes it impossible to avoid a situation. The possibility of evasion manifests itself differently, depending upon the situation. One can use their wits to evade a situation. But in most self defense situations, one must evade the use of physical force. An attacker may attempt to strike, kick, restrain, harm, or kill. Preparation, training, the physical and mental environment provide options of evasion. Evasion starts with recognizing that something must be done, to ensure one’s survival.

A few things must happen for evasion to be a suitable option. The situation tends to deteriorate between one and a possible attacker. This deterioration can occur quickly or slowly, again depending on circumstances. If escalation between two people occurs in a public or private place, it may occur slowly or quickly. This can happen over a conversation, argument, or any type of disagreement. Or the deterioration can happen, when an attacker attempts to attack quickly, when one becomes unaware of physical and mental surroundings.

The opponent must decide to carry out the attack mentally. This can be done from a planning stage. A robber or mugger stands out as an individual that decided to attack.
The person with “beer muscles” also stands out as this type of opponent. The “beer muscled” individual develops a plan as well. The only two differences are that one may be a professional and the other may act as an amateur and filled with liquid courage. The injuries that the attacker may provide should motivate one to train and train hard.

A fire drill and “stop, drop, and roll” give a real live example of evasion planning. A fire now resides on one and one must act to remove it. Drills assist one in effective survival. If an attack starts, then use resources in the environment to escape. A tipped chair or other object between one and the attacker may provide breathing and thinking room. Then get to a door and close it. Locked doors provide more breathing room and may end the attack, if the attacker is not persistent. Do not look to engage the attacker, look for escape options. Hopefully this small reference provides a way to think about the subject.

Avoidance

Hello Everyone,

How does one avoid a physical confrontation? Preparation, training, and opportunity contribute to avoiding hazards. First one must be aware that a situation becomes possible when all its parts work together. An attack only happens, when all the pieces the attacker needs gather together. If the defender remains aware, then avoiding the attack becomes possible. Let's move from theorhetical to practical

What does avoidance mean in a practical sense? Take actions that prevent or divert the possibliltiy of attack. If you walk down an unlit street to get to your car, then choose a parking area that stays lighted. Walk with confidence and remain aware of your surroundings. Do not fumble for keys or look distracted, even though you may be distracted. Try to keep a poker face, when dealing with the outside world.

Remember to always sweat the details, especially when it comes to training.